The words we use say alot about what we think. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family like birth is. Both of equal importance with neither being more important. I also believe this can relate to stepchildren as well. In the cases of step children I hear negative language all the time when parents talk about their stepchildren as not their own, but their husbands or wives children.
For example,
Positive Language vs. Negative Language
Birth Parent, Real Parent
Birth Child, Own child
Make an adoption plan, give away
Parent; Adoptive Parent
was adopted; is adopted
The improper words tend to invoke negative feelings especially of those in the process like myself who are already on edge. I try to correct people so they better understand and respect the journey of adoption. Problem is this is constantly portrayed in the media as it seems every celebrity is adopting children nowadays. They generally refer to these kids as not their own, and the parents as adopted parents. We have all heard about Angelina and Brad who have twins that are their "own" and other adopted children. It's stupid. I'm sure if you ask them they would say all their children are theirs and they don't treat them or love them differently so why should you? I reached out for their thoughts, but my texts were unreturned.
I'm certainly not suggesting people walk on eggshells around adoptive households as not to say the wrong words. Adoption is something special for the family involved, and the outsiders need to treat the kids no differently than any others. The move towards positive adoption can hopefully transition these terms to the norm.
My advice is simple, treat all kids the same regadless of race, colour or whether they were adopted. If you do feel the need to prey into why a white couple has an asian looking child, it's non of your business. Move on. Pick up a hobby like needlepoint perhaps.
Current update: Waiting.
This reminds me of an episode of this show called "What Would You Do?" It is a a hidden camera show that tackles serious issues...
ReplyDeleteAll too often assumptions are made and suspicions are raised when a parent does not look like his or her child.
What would you do if you heard a black father and his white daughter being harassed by a waiter who didn't believe that they were in fact father and daughter? To find out, we set up a "What Would You Do?" scenario and rigged cameras in a popular cafe in the New York suburbs, Rock 'n' Joe in Millburn, N.J. We hired actors to play a racist waiter, a black father and his white daughter. Would anyone stand up to our waiter as he berated our father-and-daughter pair?
Customers are already enjoying their morning cup of Joe when we send in our father and daughter. They have a seat next to two male customers and, as soon as they sit down, our waiter comes to take their order. Our waiter doesn't miss a beat as he begins to question our father.
"What's the story here? What's the relationship?" he asks.
"What are you talking about?" our father answers. "That's my daughter!"
The two male customers are trying to ignore the confrontation. One even puts his headphones on. Still unconvinced, our waiter continues to probe, this time asking the daughter if she is okay. The father tells him that she is fine. But our waiter still doesn't believe it.
'I See a Scared White Girl'
"I see a scared white girl with a black guy," he says.
Then these two men, unable to tune out the exchange, offer our father support.
"You know that's your daughter. You don't have to explain," one man says.
Check out the rest:
http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/black-father-white-child/story?id=12758388#.ULQ5r47C_jQ
Wow. Can't believe they did a show about this.
ReplyDeleteThere is also the potential question of "how much did your kid cost?". I may address that and costs on another blog.
ReplyDelete