http://healthland.time.com/2012/12/28/russias-adoption-politics-defeated-families-caught-in-a-diplomatic-tailspin/
Kind of freaking out. This happened quickly and it's effective now. No regard for those in process or even those who met their child. Very sad as 46 families are now having to deal with the fact they will never see their child again.
Friday, 28 December 2012
Friday, 21 December 2012
No more Americans to adopt in Russia? Article
This article freaked my wife out. We instantly thought how will this affect us. Is Canada next?
The ups and downs of the process of adoption. One little article can just set you off into a bad mood.
The ups and downs of the process of adoption. One little article can just set you off into a bad mood.
http://m.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/russia-advances-law-to-ban-us-adoptions/2012/12/19/a0279238-49f4-11e2-ad54-580638ede391_story.html
Current update: waiting
Saturday, 15 December 2012
The light?
Whenever you are patiently waiting for something very important especially something that is difficult, people like to say "you can see the light at the end of the tunnel". They use it as a pep talk to get you motivated because you are so close. I even started saying it myself. I would alter it by saying I see a flicker. Well, I don't feel that way. I don't feel this way because I don't know what's at the end of the tunnel. I know there is a child, but I don't know how old they are, what colour their hair is, what they look like, hell, I don't even know the gender.
Why I am really not starting to feel this way also is because adoption doesn't come with set time frames. Everything is an estimation or average time. Really, it's an educated guess. You have to take into fact the governing laws of two countries. You have to get approvals first in Canada, before getting those in Russia. So, if the canadian government loses your file , which they did in our case, there's a delay. Plus, this is the government, they take their time. Things go slowly, people take time off and things don't get done over the holidays, etc etc.
Where I sit right now, I was initially told we would get a proposal within 6 months which is basically over the holidays and into the Russian Holidays. (Note: Russians celebrate New year during the beginning of January, length of time depending on religion and the extent one celebrates). So It should be any day, so there is that light again, right? However, things tend to change in the adoption world. Let's call them hiccups. Our agency has closed for the year 2013 for the first time ever to any new prospective parents. Why? They are busy helping those who are already in the process. That would be me. After analyzing the shit out of this new knowledge, the light is gone. What if it takes all year to get finished with this adoption? From proposal to coming home with your child is 4 months. So, based on the time frames given April/May we are done. Yet the agency is not accepting anybody new the while year! Hmm..
What make this more difficult is that we met a couple who are in Russia already with their child. They are done the process. They are on their way home with their child. Their light is bright, they are thrilled and they deserve it. They are wonderful people. They started the process slightly before us and they are done. Although I am happy for them I am very jealous. They whipped through the process in my eyes, saw the light quickly and just focused on that. They had the photos and videos to carry them through the 4 months till they were able to come as a new family. I have nothing. I sit here wondering what my child is doing. What's he playing with. Is he a picky eater? Is it a he even. No light.
Yes I am being impatient, and yes I shouldn't be upset that people are trying to keep me motivated. Ssometimes I just don't want it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say nothing and don't bring it up. I am thrilled I am adopting, but this part is really tough. The uncertainty, the waiting, the wondering.
Current update: after reading this you should know.
Why I am really not starting to feel this way also is because adoption doesn't come with set time frames. Everything is an estimation or average time. Really, it's an educated guess. You have to take into fact the governing laws of two countries. You have to get approvals first in Canada, before getting those in Russia. So, if the canadian government loses your file , which they did in our case, there's a delay. Plus, this is the government, they take their time. Things go slowly, people take time off and things don't get done over the holidays, etc etc.
Where I sit right now, I was initially told we would get a proposal within 6 months which is basically over the holidays and into the Russian Holidays. (Note: Russians celebrate New year during the beginning of January, length of time depending on religion and the extent one celebrates). So It should be any day, so there is that light again, right? However, things tend to change in the adoption world. Let's call them hiccups. Our agency has closed for the year 2013 for the first time ever to any new prospective parents. Why? They are busy helping those who are already in the process. That would be me. After analyzing the shit out of this new knowledge, the light is gone. What if it takes all year to get finished with this adoption? From proposal to coming home with your child is 4 months. So, based on the time frames given April/May we are done. Yet the agency is not accepting anybody new the while year! Hmm..
What make this more difficult is that we met a couple who are in Russia already with their child. They are done the process. They are on their way home with their child. Their light is bright, they are thrilled and they deserve it. They are wonderful people. They started the process slightly before us and they are done. Although I am happy for them I am very jealous. They whipped through the process in my eyes, saw the light quickly and just focused on that. They had the photos and videos to carry them through the 4 months till they were able to come as a new family. I have nothing. I sit here wondering what my child is doing. What's he playing with. Is he a picky eater? Is it a he even. No light.
Yes I am being impatient, and yes I shouldn't be upset that people are trying to keep me motivated. Ssometimes I just don't want it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say nothing and don't bring it up. I am thrilled I am adopting, but this part is really tough. The uncertainty, the waiting, the wondering.
Current update: after reading this you should know.
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Pride Training
This is a requirement of your homestudy. You spend 4 full days learning about adoption. Since it's a government program the content is controlled. There is a lot of focus on fostering and ontario adoptions which may seem a waste for someone adopting internationally. Having said this, Overall I found this training still very useful.
The useful factors I never even considered was regarding building attachment with your child and also dealing with comments from other people. To build attachment you have to build a relationship with this child by being there for your child. When they cry at night go comfort them, hold their hand while walking, go to them when they fall, hug them, lots of one-on-one time. The child has to learn you are their parents and you are there for them when they need something.
People's comments. This is the craziest part. I touched upon this before with positive adoption language. You will deal with stupid comments from people. Not only will you as adoptive parents, but so will your child. Your child may come home one day and say "suzie at school told me you're not my real parents" or a relative saying "you can't love an adopted child like a biological one". Yes it happens. Our trainers, who were all adopted parents shared examples of how this has happened in their lives. I am not surprised. Just going through the adoption process I have been asked stupid questions so it's good to be prepared to deal with stupid people. Everyone has an opinion and adoption is no different.
The training is very interactive. You sit at round tables with other couples and single parents. You work on questions as a table, you role play, watch videos, hear personal stories from the trainers. It keeps you engaged by changing things up. It is a drag to lose two weekends, but you get through it. The training was very organized and the trainers were all very good. Lots of personal stories, lots of time to ask questions and lots of interaction with others taking the class. That may be a key part of the class. Hearing others that have struggled their way towards adoptions. You see it all. People adopting relatives, adopting domestically, internationally, same sex couples, single moms and even a single dad. I was rooting for the single dad. It's unfortunate he seemed really creepy and wore track suites to training.
It tends to take a more worst case scenario spin and doesn't spoon food you all the good stuff about adoption. I think some people may not be able to handle this, but I found it important. I don't need to hear how great everything will be, I need to prepare myself for potential obstacles. The videos are dated and alsmot comically by the actors attire. It may need a bit of a refresh, but the learnign is still valuable.
Here's a link to the training
https://secure.adoptontario.ca/pride.main.aspx
Current update: Waiting.
The useful factors I never even considered was regarding building attachment with your child and also dealing with comments from other people. To build attachment you have to build a relationship with this child by being there for your child. When they cry at night go comfort them, hold their hand while walking, go to them when they fall, hug them, lots of one-on-one time. The child has to learn you are their parents and you are there for them when they need something.
People's comments. This is the craziest part. I touched upon this before with positive adoption language. You will deal with stupid comments from people. Not only will you as adoptive parents, but so will your child. Your child may come home one day and say "suzie at school told me you're not my real parents" or a relative saying "you can't love an adopted child like a biological one". Yes it happens. Our trainers, who were all adopted parents shared examples of how this has happened in their lives. I am not surprised. Just going through the adoption process I have been asked stupid questions so it's good to be prepared to deal with stupid people. Everyone has an opinion and adoption is no different.
The training is very interactive. You sit at round tables with other couples and single parents. You work on questions as a table, you role play, watch videos, hear personal stories from the trainers. It keeps you engaged by changing things up. It is a drag to lose two weekends, but you get through it. The training was very organized and the trainers were all very good. Lots of personal stories, lots of time to ask questions and lots of interaction with others taking the class. That may be a key part of the class. Hearing others that have struggled their way towards adoptions. You see it all. People adopting relatives, adopting domestically, internationally, same sex couples, single moms and even a single dad. I was rooting for the single dad. It's unfortunate he seemed really creepy and wore track suites to training.
It tends to take a more worst case scenario spin and doesn't spoon food you all the good stuff about adoption. I think some people may not be able to handle this, but I found it important. I don't need to hear how great everything will be, I need to prepare myself for potential obstacles. The videos are dated and alsmot comically by the actors attire. It may need a bit of a refresh, but the learnign is still valuable.
Here's a link to the training
https://secure.adoptontario.ca/pride.main.aspx
Current update: Waiting.
Saturday, 1 December 2012
American article on Russian Adoptions
A little history on Americans adopting in Russian. Look for the numbers 17 and 700,000. Horrible!!
http://adoption.about.com/od/international/i/adoptrussiaprob.htm
http://adoption.about.com/od/international/i/adoptrussiaprob.htm
International adoption stats
These are the stats from 2010 of International adoptions from Canadians as taken from http://www.adoption.ca/adoption-news?news_id=56
This looks encouraging right? But this is for 2010 and there are no 2011 published numbers. During our pride training, early on in the process we saw this exact same chart. We instantly thought China or Vietnam. Makes sense. We were told China is pretty much closed. Although you can adopt sick children and maybe wait 5 years. Umm.no. Haiti programs allowed for adoptions for older children, 4 years and older only.
Our social worker was really on us about the US, specifically Florida. So we listened to what she had to say about it. During our conversation I specifically asked "do the birth parents get money?" I was told "You help them get on their feet". I asked what that meant. I was told "Money for rent and living expenses". I quickly decided that was out. I just can't handle that. I'm not paying someone off to take their child. So many things wrong with this.
Next on the list, Vietnam. We actually strongly considered this, but again the problem was the wait. We were told potentially 2-3 years. As we digested that we researched Russia. We were told approximately 8 month wait. What?! When we heard that we liked that. Also we learned because of how large the country is there are many regions doing adoptions on a consistent basis and have been doing so for years. I was fully on board at that point and haven't looked back.
I bet these stats will change for 2012. I think the overall number will drop alot and Russia will be at the top. Having said that, living in Ontario I don't know how it works in other provinces. Maybe in BC it is radically different. I think I just maybe implied there are lots of Chinese people in BC. Sorry.
Current Update: Still waiting
International Adoptions to Canada
Top 29 source countries in 2010
This looks encouraging right? But this is for 2010 and there are no 2011 published numbers. During our pride training, early on in the process we saw this exact same chart. We instantly thought China or Vietnam. Makes sense. We were told China is pretty much closed. Although you can adopt sick children and maybe wait 5 years. Umm.no. Haiti programs allowed for adoptions for older children, 4 years and older only.
Our social worker was really on us about the US, specifically Florida. So we listened to what she had to say about it. During our conversation I specifically asked "do the birth parents get money?" I was told "You help them get on their feet". I asked what that meant. I was told "Money for rent and living expenses". I quickly decided that was out. I just can't handle that. I'm not paying someone off to take their child. So many things wrong with this.
Next on the list, Vietnam. We actually strongly considered this, but again the problem was the wait. We were told potentially 2-3 years. As we digested that we researched Russia. We were told approximately 8 month wait. What?! When we heard that we liked that. Also we learned because of how large the country is there are many regions doing adoptions on a consistent basis and have been doing so for years. I was fully on board at that point and haven't looked back.
I bet these stats will change for 2012. I think the overall number will drop alot and Russia will be at the top. Having said that, living in Ontario I don't know how it works in other provinces. Maybe in BC it is radically different. I think I just maybe implied there are lots of Chinese people in BC. Sorry.
Current Update: Still waiting
International Adoptions to Canada
Top 29 source countries in 2010
| 2010 | |
| China | 472 |
| Haiti | 172 |
| U.S. | 148 |
| Vietnam | 139 |
| Russia | 102 |
| South Korea | 98 |
| Philippines | 88 |
| Ethiopia | 63 |
| Colombia | 62 |
| India | 55 |
| Kazakhstan | 48 |
| Ukraine | 46 |
| Pakistan | 27 |
| Thailand | 23 |
| Jamaica | 18 |
| U.K. | 18 |
| Taiwan | 16 |
| South Africa | 13 |
| Lesotho | 12 |
| Mexico | 12 |
| Uganda | 10 |
| Mali | 7 |
| D.R. Congo | 6 |
| Bulgaria | 5 |
| Ghana | 5 |
| Iran | 5 |
| Kenya | 5 |
| Peru | 5 |
| Swaziland | 5 |
| All countries | 1,946 |
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