Medicals for adoptive parents and the aftermath

As part of the adoption process each parent must do medicals.  These are done in our case in Moscow with the aide of a translator.  The benefit is that all the specialists you see are in one building in the downtown core of Moscow.  When you first enter the building you have to check in and your translator will round up the paperwork to get the process started.

You sit in hallways with doors with a number on it.  Each doctor has an office and you have to wait for them before you enter.  You will see 8 specialists.  They range from psychiatrists to dermatologists, tb specialists and etc.  They are all different.  You are generally asked questions related to their field of study.  Often they don't know english.  You do disrobe to your underwear only a few times, but generally not.  Nothing to worry about.  You will not get proded by weird instruments while you stand naked.  It isnt really anything different then you deal with at home.

Each doctor will stamp your sheet, sign and make any notes in a book.  As part of your Canadian medicals you need your have test results for hiv, aids, all hep and tb.  That paper work needs to come with you during these visits.  Print the xrays photos from the tb test as they will need to be reviewed.

The whole process took about 4 hours.

We submitted our intent to adopt during our last few visits with our son and now completing our medicals the ball is rolling.  Your representative through the agency will do the legal work as it relates to both the Canadian and Russian side of things.

We have to meet with our social worker who completed our home study to do a followup on our intent to adopt.  I believe its one visit and documentation they need to complete anc send to the adoption agency.  Not sure on the specifics as I believe the ball is in their hands to satisfy the legal requirements of both countries.

after the visits

We visited our son 12 times (6 day two visits per day).  They are all done as I write this.  The visits went well.  At first he was scared and criend a lot, in fact he pretty much cried most of the first two visits.  By the end, he was running to the room he would meet us at to start the visits.  We were already attached, but now he was too.  You saw the change too.  He would let us serve him water, laughed much more, and even misbehaved a little by throwing toys and laughing about it.  We didn't really care as we enjoyed him being able to be himself in front of us.  He hugged us a lot more too.

It was an amzing experience spending all this time with him and getting to know him.  What he likes in terms of play and how he likes to be held.  It definately isnt easy leaving him for potentially 3 months, but I feel okay right now.  He is taken care of at the home, the workers love him, calling him their favourite, eats well as evidenced by his tummy and gets lots of affection.  He knows this as his home, so to him he is comfortable.  I am sure in a month from now I will feel different, but maybe not.  I very much miss him, but I know this is how it has to be for now.  We waited several months to get to this point and at least I have pictures and videos to remember what this is all about.

He is absolutely amazing and blows my mind how so.  I didn't think I would fall in love so much.  I love how serious he is and always thinks when playing.  I love when he just feels the need to start dancing when music is playing.  He is the cutest baby ever and soon he will be my son.  I can't wait to show him off to my world back home.

after day 3

We have now visited our son 6 times.  There has been a huge improvement.  He is recognizing us, able to point to pictures of us when asked or go to us when the workers tell him to.  No more crying and he feels comfortable around us that hes starting to smile.  Hes a very serious little boy so a smile is a big deal to him.  He is playing well and certainly leaning towards certain toys over others.  He especially likes the shape sorter and this musical phone that plays songs and repeats numbers when certain buttons are pressed.  He is amazing and we feel very lucky.

Everyone at the home has been amazing and very supportive.  They are helping to teach him who mama and papa are.  They are even showing us where he sleeps, eats and plays.  They are very loved and treated great.  They are fed well too.  Our little man has a little tummy.

Today we are putting our intent to adopt.  We have to get paperwork going and notarized while here.  Then we just have to wait for a court date, which may take months.  We still have a few days left, two visits a day to see him.

first visit 1 & 2

We went to the baby home this morning.  It was quite big with a huge front area with trees and play areas.  The trees had stuffed animals hanging in the branches and the play area had swings and other large toys under a canopy.  We walked in, passed security and met the director.  She was friendly and advised us of basics of our son some of which we had known from the proposal.  We recorded the audio which I recommend.  I was writing things, but at times couldnt keep up.  It will be nice to have this down the road if asked.  You do learn information on the biological parents.
 Then we went to a room where there were some toys, but of course we brought tons of stuff.  We were in the room with our translator and in he came with the director.  He freaked and cried for awhile.  By awhile I mean an hour.  At this time you are frozen and dont know what to do.  He is stressed out and you dont want to be aggressive.  It was hard on us as we felt we were making him mad.  We tried to introduce toys and he played with a shape sorter. He figured things out and he was definately determined to do it on its own.  By the end of the first visit he was still iffy with us.  We were not prepared for this and I dont think you can be.  We were told this is a good sign as kids that attach quickly have an attachment disorder.  They need to get used to you in time and not immediately.

Second visit of the day went the same way.  But, he did allow us to hold him, but was hesistant.  He seemed tired so maybe he was too tired to cry.  We walked around with him for a bit and he seems to like walking.  He walked very well and sometimes held my wifes hand.

Any advise I would give to future adoptive parents of older kids.  Be prepared, they wont cling and work at their speed.  We were told they expect things to get better.  Before leaving we saw him with his buddies and the workers asked him where his mama and papa were and he pointed to us.  That felt great.  Unfortunately another kid in the room started calling me dada.

Leaving for Russia

So after much time and work we leave today. Everything is arranged and booked. It was a bit stressful getting everything arranged (lots of paperwork) so quickly but it's done. Now all I can think about is meeting him.

I wonder if he will seem taller or shorter in person. What his personality will be like? How he will react to us, etc. When we first meet him I imagine he will be shy and look at the toys we bring him not sure what to make of them. The toys should help break the ice. We brought lots of stuff from books to bubbles to crayons to building block, etc. we probably brought too much but we don't want him to get bored. I think two year olds have almost no attention span.

I'm writing this Friday and Monday I get to meet him. Now I feel like I have seen the light. The reason for all this will be
Right in front of me in a matter of hours.

Still a bit of nerves to get through a few things like the medicals in moscow and meeting everyone there mainly the director of the home. This is a huge step forward in the process.

meeting my son in 2 weeks

We accepted our proposal.  We are working on the paperwork which is needed to setup the court date.  These are required before you first visit.  This includes: redoing your medicals, letter regarding purchase of your home, pictures of family, getting our russian visa for travel, report from social worker accepting proposal, etc.

We had two hurdles in this area.  We got married in the states.  We are to get our license notarized, and then beg for the department of international affairs to b-line and accept this.  The process is vague and unclear to me.  We were told different things from our agency, international affairs and an agency in Ottawa you have to deal with as well.  Some things are just unorganized.

Second hurdle was our dog.  Since our dog obviously lives with us and he is mentioned in our homestudy, we need a note from a vet indicating he has no deseases, up to date immunizations and is good with children.  This is the first time I took my dog to a vet in years as he is over 10 now.  Obviously they can't judge behaviour around children, so the vet asked if he has been exposed around children, which he has and they indicated in the letter he is well behaved and has been exposed to children.  It's important the letter addresses the issues they indicate or you will end up doing it again. 

We are waiting to hear on the itinerary and then I will book flights.  You are told when you need to be at which place.  I've spent much time researching flights so I will likely book the flights myself.  I have travelled all over the world and am capable of this.  The agency will refer  you to a travel agent which I have spoken to about flights.  For those less experienced, might be best to have the agent book it. 

We don't know about hotels, where the orphanage is.  There is still a lot we need to learn, but you are told things steps at a time. 

At this time your feelings are all over the place.  We are so excited to met him and we are quickly trying to get everything done correctly.  We got a list of about 15 things needed to do in terms of paperwork.  Then you have to deal with the travel arrangements.

I can't wait to meet him.  He seems perfect in the photos.  He's healthy, good height and weight.  We've ramped up our purchases for him with toys and furtniture at our house.  We even registered. 

Current update:  got proposal, going to meet him in 2 weeks.