Mama and Papa first date

After almost 5 months of being home with our son we decided to go out and left him with my sister at our house.  We wanted it to be at our house so he has a familiar surrounding, toys, etc.  Fortunately we live near a movie theatre so we walked down to see a movie.  We saw catching fire and it was great.

We left the house telling our son we would be back after.  He understands that word so we use it often.  He said mama and papa as we left, but no tears or panic.  He seemed calm as he knows my sister and has seen many times.  When we came back home he saw us walk to the front stairs through the window and we can hear him saying hi. As soon as walked in he went to mama and was very affectionate giving lots of hugs and kisses.  Papa didn't get much love.

My sister said he was really good.  He played with various toys all over the house and was his usual busy self.  Shortly after arriving home we started the night routine and put him to bed.  We thought he may be up often to make sure we are here, but he didn't.  He slept all night.  Only waking up around 7 to lie down for a bit in the main bed with us which is something he always does.

We were very pleased with how it turned out and feel confident how well he has adapted to life here.  What a great kid I have.

First post adoption report

We met with our social worker to complete our first post adoption report.  She asked general questions you would expect like what activities do you do with your child, does he have a doctor, what do they say about him, etc.

We were also asked about food he eats, his language skills which we provided some specifics on.  We talked about his eating on the go and his all day snacking ritual.  The number of words he says and how some words mean a few things.  For example, Apple and open both sound like he is saying apple.  He can't say the letter c and he try's to sing the alphabet especially loving the l m n o p part.  Overall, it was not a big deal.

We asked about the Russian program and she said its been on hold and not sure when or if coming back.  She had another family she was meeting with who were still waiting for Russia.  I asked her what's out there and she mentioned the US and South Africa as options.  It's unfortunate it has to be this way.  I think countries come and go and every year or two there is a new hot spot.  For many years it was china, then Russia and now who knows.

3 month mark

We have past the three month mark of being home with our son.  I think we are getting used to the day to day things a parent encounters.  He's  a busy guy and still showing interest in everything.  He likes to open doors, cupboards and drawers.  He enjoys playing with the heat register covers, baby gates and the tv with all the chords.

He moves from one thing to the next quickly and always has a smile on his face.  He is a very loving child and affectionate for the most part.  It's still a bit surreal he is home.  Sometimes I find myself looking  at him remembering visiting this child in Russia not to long ago.

Although its been 3 months I still feel he is still getting used to things in his home. We have yet to leave him with anyone else and he hasn't slept anywhere but his bed.  Our plan is to have a few small outings this year and leave him with my sister.

He's an amazing kid.  This isn't the scared serious kid we would visit in Russia.  I feel he is himself in Canada.

let's adopt a new attitude-video link

http://adoptanewattitude.com/media/video-lets-adopt?0

amazing video!!!

Russia bans sweeden from adopting

Looks like Russia may be shutting their doors to international adoption, one country at a time.  All over their stance on gay people.

My favourite line is the first one. Russia would rather its children have no parents than gay parents

http://www.ryot.org/russia-halt-adoptions-gay-friendly-countries/403933

Canada to be banned?

Upon a discussion with someone I know still in the process and more so on articles online its not looking good.  Looks like Russia may pass a law to ban those from countries who permit same sex marriage to adopt.  Countries affected would have to sign an agreement.

I think if the child goes up for re-adoption they don't want a gay couple to readopt or if a couple is misrepresenting themselves.  It's hard to read this.  This is crazy.

It's so sad in this day in age people have issues against gay people.  Using innocent children to make a statement and force a country's hand to sign this agreement makes them look even more f'ed up.  Frankly, it doesn't show positively on their concern for their children which they always seem to say they have.

I think having gone through this I know a fair amount of what the people believe compared to the government.  They couldn't be more opposite.

Spain is being affected by this law, link below.

I feel for those in Canada.  Keep hope Alive as you never know.

http://www.thinkspain.com/news-spain/23283/spain-fights-adoption-restrictions-in-russia-causing-heartbreak-for-families-to-be

Universal child care benefit

After doing some research on what programs 

are available to new parents I stumbled on

this program.  It offers parents $100 per

month until the child is 6.

Follow the link below.  You must apply to 

qualify by completing the application and 

Providing the appropriate backup. 

For example the child's birth certificate or

Copy if the landed immigration form you

Received when you landed in Canada.

They will pay as far back as 11 months and 

Takes approximately 80 calendar days till

You receive your first payment.

Everyone is entitled to this no matter your

income.

http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/bnfts/uccb-puge/menu-eng.html

Introducing Family

To set expectations for family members we told everybody well before ever going to Russia they won't meet our child till we are home for 3 months.  We got a lot of moans and groans, but keep reiterating 3 months.  We did this purposely to set expectations very low.  We had no intention of following this, but didn't tell anyone till after we were home.

We slowly had people come into our son's life.  We probably had visitors on a weekly basis.  We ensured no parenting by anyone but mama and papa.  That means no feeding, holding, putting to bed, bathing or taking to potty.  We followed the advise we received in training or through reading in books.  The only thing he has done being in Canada for 2 months is high five and started to hug others he has seen more than once. 

We did find when out of town family stayed over one time for a few days, the constant interaction may have confused things.  I felt he got too used to the family members and starting attaching.  Not like how he attached to us, his parents, but enough to concern me.  He would sit close to them, put his hand on them, etc.  We found after this visit we completed held off visitors for several days.close to a week to get him used to just the three of us.

You really can't hide in your house for the first 3 months.  Depending on your child's age he/she needs to see and interact with other children and play.  Playing indoors only is not ideal for my son who is 2.  Parks, swimming pools, gymnastics is how we entertain our child.  I think they are so used to other kids they probably miss being one of many around.  It's also an opportunity to see how they interact with others seeing more of their personality.  And honestly, the busier you keep the better for everyone.

I think not letting anyone parent your adopted child for awhile is a good way for them to attach to you. I always recall being told or reading the magic 3 months of just you and your child.  I can honestly say I see progress on how he is with us.  He is getting more comfortable, clingy, eye contact when interacting and refusing food.  All signs of attachment. 

Ohip for adopted children

I had a little trouble applying for ohip for my son when we got home.  Adopted children under 16 get ohip right away.  There is no waiting period of 90 days If you provide the proper information.

Going to a service Ontario location you new to complete their required form.  Also, you will need the document you receive from immigration at the airport.  The key document which will waive the 90 day waiting period is the letter of no objection.  You would've received this document a long time ago.  Well before receiving your proposal and going to Russia.

I had to educate the staff on this as they were unsure.  Be firm and come prepared.  

Link below

http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/public/publications/ohip/international_adoptions.aspx

mush and bananas

One of the first concerns you have when you first pickup your adopted child is to have him/her eat.  The workers told us he eats anything so don't worry.  Armed with crackers, baby food and plenty of other snacks we brought from Canada we attempted to feed him.  And often we tried with moderate success.

While staying in the hotels in Russia, we found soup to work well.  Also his obsession with goldfish crackers started.  He loved carrying around his snack container filled with animal crackers.  It also become an activity for him to take out the crackers.  We found he responded to yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast, soup for dinner and whatever we can find for lunch.  Usually ended up being bread.

After bringing him home, we found any real solid food he would not eat.  It's like he wanted to eat it, but he just wouldn't.  After realizing all the food he eats is soft, we decided to put it in the food processor turning it into mush. That seemed to work.

Enter bananas.  He must've been fed them at the home because as soon as he saw them he wanted them.  Initially we would feed them to him.  We moved towards him feeding the bananas himself.  He wanted bananas so much if he saw them he would stop eating what was in front of him and point to the bananas.  

Changes in adopting from Russia

We learned some new things during visit 3 in Russia that will change things for prospective parents.

Russia will no longer accept single mothers.

Kids will now wait 12 months instead of 6 months on their database.  This will give more opportunity for Russians to adopt domestically and should push the ages higher of those adopting internationally.

The waiting period after court to bring your child home is 10 days.  This is reduced from 30 days.  I imagine most will wait the 10 days in Russia visiting their Child often.  This should help with when its time to leave the home with your child.

signs of standard two year old behaviour

On about day two of having our son, we went to dinner at the lobby bar.  We all sat down, our son with his snack container of goldfish crackers.  Then it started.  Out of his shell he came.  He was eating the crackers acting goofy.  He was feeding them to us, eating them while saying "yum" and even throwing them.  He was laughing the whole time having a blast.  My wife and I looked at each other and just started smiling.  Now this is how a two year old acts.  He wasn't sitting there quietly waiting for dinner or entertainment.  He was the entertainment.

I think some parents would be embarassed about their kid making a mess in a public place, but we didn't care.  He was finally acting like a 2 year old.  He was becoming comfortable around us.  He still made time to eat a proper meal between all the goofiness.  All is all we were happy and changed our perspective of him being serious all the time as having a goofball side to him.

This continued to spill into breakfast and other times during the day as we rolled into day 5 of living in a hotel. 

picking your fingers is running in the family

If you ask my wife what she hates about me most she would say when I pick my fingers.  Its a nervous habit I think I have always had.  I dont even know when I am doing it.  The last time we were un russia visiting our son he did this one time when he was scared.  Now that we have him he does this often.  whenever he is scared, which was fairly often in the beginning. He would stop what he was doing look at his fingers and start picking.  My wife would just sigh and say 'oh great'.

The first few days you would be playing and all of a sudden you get the look and the finger pick.  This is common.  His whole world changed in a blink in an eye and he is just getting used to things and us as mama and papa.  The more time you spend the more you understand what triggers the fear.  The fear is abadonement my wife tells me.  I am behind in reading my adoption books so I will learn more soon.

For the record, my son didnt get the finger picking from me. He got it all on his own with zero influence from me.   I tell my wife that and as much as it pains her she knows its true.

first 24 hours

He is doing well.  He is definitely scared and unsure of everything.  He needs to be by my wife at all times.  No privacy for her including bathroom visits.

Our son didn't eat much the first day.  Just a couple snacks and lots of goldfish crackers.  He is recovering from a cold so congested and sneezing a lot.

We took a flight from his home city to moscow which lasted just shy of 2 hours.  He was good and slept most of the way.

He is an amazing kid with lots of personality.  He shows us glimpses of a smile and then gets all serious.  He crosses his legs when he sits sometimes and folds his hands onto his lap.  He also likes to hang on to chairs when he sits in them.  One thing important we learned is when we put him in the crib is to lie him down.  If we stand him up he will just stand there looking at us.  He wont cry or do anything but watch us.

got our son!!

We picked up our son from the baby home.  We had to first meet with the social worker to get paperwork.  Then we met with the doctor to pick up his medical records, ie immunization records.

Then we went to his room to go see him.  He was awoken early from a nap so a bit tired.  We gave the workers our clothing for him.  We watched and took photos as they dressed him for us.  The one worker told us a story that he was playing with a toy earlier that day.  He picked up the toy to his ear pretending it was a phone.  He was saying hello mama.  The workers didn't think we were coming for a few days yet so they told him mama was coming in a few days.  He must have been surprised to see his mama a few hours later.  It was a cute story.

We took him and of course he cried and looked scared.  We got in the car and drove to our hotel about an hour away.He stared outside of the car window  just looking at everything.   He was probably wondering what the heck is going on.  And our new life begins.

Last trip to Russia

We almost did it.  Tomorrow we leave for Russia and get to finally bring our son home.  His room is ready, the toys are assembled, clothes are washed and even meals are prepared and in the freezer.

Approximately 30 days ago we were in Russia for court.  We became his legal parents, but Russian law dictates we have to wait 30 days to bring him home.  So here we are.  Our flight leaves tomorrow and after a layover and a night in a hotel we will pick him up from his baby home.  We stay overnight in a hotel in his city.  The following day we fly to Moscow and stay with him 4 nights.  We have to be there for two working days for the Canadian consulate to do their part.  I believe their part is issuing him a Visa to fly to Canada.

I hate to use the term surreal, but it really is.  I never thought this day would come and looking back the last 4 months since we first saw him wasn't as slow as I thought.  The first to second trip is long, but trip 2 to trip 3 went by fairly quickly.  I think we needed this time to really absorb that this really happening. 

I'm most excited about spending time with him.  It will be nice to be just our family.  No visitation room with workers always around and other kids as well.  The workers are great, but I think it's a distraction for him.  He's so attached to them he immediately goes to them.  It's what he knows and likes.  It's makes it harder for us to create that bond. 

Our little guy's world is completely going to change.  New people, new language, new bed, new toys.  His world currently is so small and it's going to change.  Based on his personality, I think he will handle this well.  Probably better than expected.  If not, that's okay.  I will allow him to go at his own pace.  I will video and take plenty of photos so I can share this great story of how he first came to Canada.

Current update:  this Friday he's ours!!

2 weeks to go

After spending a long time getting to the point of adoption, then getting the approvals, then waiting for a child proposal, then meeting my son, then a successful court date I am two weeks away from starting the journey home.

In two weeks I will be on a plane to Russia for the third time since march.  I know the airline, the airport and where I am going.  We pick him up and then do the necessary paperwork, ie passport and visa and head home for good with my son in tow.  We will be in his city for a short period.  We will have to then stay in moscow for a few days.  We will spend the weekend there and a few business days waiting for the Canadian embassy to issue his visa.  It will give us valuable time together as a family in his home country.

People ask me how it feels and I dot know what to say.   I am definitely a lot less stressed since we are legally his parents.  I have no real expectations.  You do forget some of the headaches that got us here.  Focusing more on what type of parent you want to be and getting your home, heart and mind ready for a 2 year old.  I can't imagine being any more ready.  He's amazing and I can't wait to show him off.  

how much does adoptive kids costs? NEVER ask this, see why

great article of some of the stupid things people says to adoptive families.  Don't be one of these people.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/how-much-did-your-kid-cost.html

my first fathers day

Today we celebrate all the great dads out there and all they do for their children.  I am officially part of the fathers club since our successful court date the other week. 

I don't feel quite like a father yet as I really haven't done anything yet.  Our son isn't home yet and I still have some things to do around the house before he gets home.  I have to put up the baby gates, cabinet stoppers and etc.  I have a month before we bring him home.  It hasn't quite hit me yet how close we are to completing the process of adoption.  I am just waiting for how life will change for my wife and I.  Everyone always gives me the warning "oh you have no idea" from current parents.  I brush it off as they don't realize what we've been through to bring my son home.  This wasn't a slip up 9 months ago.  This was a planned and carefully thought out decision done years ago to get to this point.

I am enjoying this time now of sleeping in, staying up late, being able to go to the gym when I want and hang out with friends.  I know soon enough my priorities will all be about my son.  Not because I have to, but because I want to.  There is so much I want to show and teach him.  I know the key is to keep them busy and stimulated so I have many tricks up my sleeve. 

So to those current parents who believe I have no idea, I do have an idea and I can't wait for it to arrive.

Our Russian court date

Last week we flew to Russia for a few days.  Literally a few days - I am not kidding.  We had a court date to legalize our adoption of our son.  We prepared the night before for approx. 2 hours.  We were told what would happen, in what order, prepared our speeches and ran through possible questions.  At the time, the possible questions was freaking us out.  You had to be so sure to answer the question properly and concisely without saying too much.  You are not asked to lie or not say this or that, but you really had to take the child's interest with how you answer.  Most importantly, answer the question and don't ramble on about nonsense.  Some possible questions are: how would you discipline your child, how much did the adoption cost, what experience you have with children, why you choose to adopt and why you picked Russia.

After the training, my wife and talked and expressed our concerns about answering questions poorly.  We just told each other to take one's time and if one party feels overwhelmed to pass the question on.  Important point to know -  you are allowed to say " my wife/husband can better answer this question" and then have the other person answer.  We didn't have to use this tactic, but it's something to keep in your back pocket.

The morning of court is stressful.  You are certainly nervous about what is to happen, but another part of you realizes you are closer then you have ever been.  All these months and weeks of waiting and here you are.  In court there was the judge, his assistant or someone who writes things down, prosecutor, your translator, adoption representative, social worker from the home and social worker from the department of education (they would've monitored your visits with your child at the home).  Everyone introduces themselves and the judge then proceeds to discuss the petition.  Each prospective parent says their speech.  Then the other parties speak.  Both the social workers will discuss the history of the child and also the interactions between you as parents with the child.  Our social workers were always supportive of us and said some nice things.

Then it's question time.  We weren't asked too many questions.  We were asked about our finances, our dog, the child's age (since he was a few months older than our acceptable date on our home study), who will stay home with the child and the length of the leave.  That's all I remember and it was only a few days ago.

Next step the judge goes through each document of your package which includes all the crazy amount of paperwork you completed over the last several months.  All notarized of course.  Side note:  Russians like having every document notarized.  

Then the prosecutor will provide their recommendation and the judge will recess to make his/her decision.

The wait was really short, I would say maybe 10 minutes.  It didn't feel long and I felt confident the result would be favourable.  We are then asked back to court.  The judge reads off this sheet.  He talks about basic regarding the case.  I honestly don't remember and as he continues to talk my mind goes elsewhere.  I think to myself what if he says no?  Will I be able to control myself?  Will I lunge at home, how would I react?  Before I can get into thinking this way the judge then says we are granted custody and accepts the items we wanted in our petition, such as changing his name and place of birth.

We are his parents.  We now must wait the standard 30 days waiting period and then we can bring him home.  So excited!!!

Got court!

After asking for an update we received confirmation of our court date.  We have one week to get there.  I like that there isn't much waiting but I don't like the lack of information we have.  We have no idea when we can see our son or where we are staying.  The previous trip they told you your accommodations and when you can see him.

I am more concerned about getting things booked and seeing my son to worry about court.  I really want to see him.  It will have been close to 11weeks with no contact.

Has he grown?  Does he talk?  They said he would be out of diapers when we see him next and I wonder how that went.  I don't care if he is or isn't out of diapers.  I just want to know how he's doing.  

I think with court being on a Friday it may go more smoothly.  I think the best part of this trip when I look back is when the judge bangs his gavel and says, um.. Something in Russian saying we are his parents.

Still no court date!

It has been 9 weeks since we put forward our paperwork while in Russia.  To this day we still don't have a court date.  We were told which possible day in june, but we shouldn't start booking anything till it's confirmed.  Confirmation is expected two weeks prior to our court date.

So, I am just slowly looking at flights and waiting.  His room is all setup.  We completely transformed a spare bedroom  for our son.  I'm glad it's done, but it just didn't feel quite done.  It's missing him.  It's just far to neat for a 2 year old.  The toys are all put away, clothes in the drawer and the bed is made.  

Since we know he is well taken care of the wait hasn't been horrible.  The most frustrating part is missing getting to know him and him to know us.  The initial bonding during the first visit is likely all for not since he probably won't remember us.  Knowing this sucks.  We are preparing ourselves for the next time he sees us we will be strangers to him and he will cry.

Patience is a critical attribute for anyone going through adoption.  It toughens you up more than you anticipate.  All the work will be 100% worth it and make me appreciate him so much more.  I am determined and ready to be a great dad.

Next step court, but when?

We have now been home for 6 weeks and we are waiting to when we can go back. The next trip is short as its main purpose is to go to court to make things legal. That will take 1/2 day and then we have time to prepare beforehand. We will also visit our son a couple of days.

In terms of time off I am hoping to have this all done within one week. I want to save time for the final trip and maybe even spending time with him when We get home.

The waiting sucks. We have bonded and fell in love with him. We know he will forget us and wonder why we stop visiting him. I perceive He may have trust issues initially because we have left him before.

You are not told much until its time to start booking your trip. Get used to minimal notice and then frantically getting everything in order to go. I believe this time may be easier as I can't imagine there is more paperwork to do.

Medicals for adoptive parents and the aftermath

As part of the adoption process each parent must do medicals.  These are done in our case in Moscow with the aide of a translator.  The benefit is that all the specialists you see are in one building in the downtown core of Moscow.  When you first enter the building you have to check in and your translator will round up the paperwork to get the process started.

You sit in hallways with doors with a number on it.  Each doctor has an office and you have to wait for them before you enter.  You will see 8 specialists.  They range from psychiatrists to dermatologists, tb specialists and etc.  They are all different.  You are generally asked questions related to their field of study.  Often they don't know english.  You do disrobe to your underwear only a few times, but generally not.  Nothing to worry about.  You will not get proded by weird instruments while you stand naked.  It isnt really anything different then you deal with at home.

Each doctor will stamp your sheet, sign and make any notes in a book.  As part of your Canadian medicals you need your have test results for hiv, aids, all hep and tb.  That paper work needs to come with you during these visits.  Print the xrays photos from the tb test as they will need to be reviewed.

The whole process took about 4 hours.

We submitted our intent to adopt during our last few visits with our son and now completing our medicals the ball is rolling.  Your representative through the agency will do the legal work as it relates to both the Canadian and Russian side of things.

We have to meet with our social worker who completed our home study to do a followup on our intent to adopt.  I believe its one visit and documentation they need to complete anc send to the adoption agency.  Not sure on the specifics as I believe the ball is in their hands to satisfy the legal requirements of both countries.

after the visits

We visited our son 12 times (6 day two visits per day).  They are all done as I write this.  The visits went well.  At first he was scared and criend a lot, in fact he pretty much cried most of the first two visits.  By the end, he was running to the room he would meet us at to start the visits.  We were already attached, but now he was too.  You saw the change too.  He would let us serve him water, laughed much more, and even misbehaved a little by throwing toys and laughing about it.  We didn't really care as we enjoyed him being able to be himself in front of us.  He hugged us a lot more too.

It was an amzing experience spending all this time with him and getting to know him.  What he likes in terms of play and how he likes to be held.  It definately isnt easy leaving him for potentially 3 months, but I feel okay right now.  He is taken care of at the home, the workers love him, calling him their favourite, eats well as evidenced by his tummy and gets lots of affection.  He knows this as his home, so to him he is comfortable.  I am sure in a month from now I will feel different, but maybe not.  I very much miss him, but I know this is how it has to be for now.  We waited several months to get to this point and at least I have pictures and videos to remember what this is all about.

He is absolutely amazing and blows my mind how so.  I didn't think I would fall in love so much.  I love how serious he is and always thinks when playing.  I love when he just feels the need to start dancing when music is playing.  He is the cutest baby ever and soon he will be my son.  I can't wait to show him off to my world back home.

after day 3

We have now visited our son 6 times.  There has been a huge improvement.  He is recognizing us, able to point to pictures of us when asked or go to us when the workers tell him to.  No more crying and he feels comfortable around us that hes starting to smile.  Hes a very serious little boy so a smile is a big deal to him.  He is playing well and certainly leaning towards certain toys over others.  He especially likes the shape sorter and this musical phone that plays songs and repeats numbers when certain buttons are pressed.  He is amazing and we feel very lucky.

Everyone at the home has been amazing and very supportive.  They are helping to teach him who mama and papa are.  They are even showing us where he sleeps, eats and plays.  They are very loved and treated great.  They are fed well too.  Our little man has a little tummy.

Today we are putting our intent to adopt.  We have to get paperwork going and notarized while here.  Then we just have to wait for a court date, which may take months.  We still have a few days left, two visits a day to see him.

first visit 1 & 2

We went to the baby home this morning.  It was quite big with a huge front area with trees and play areas.  The trees had stuffed animals hanging in the branches and the play area had swings and other large toys under a canopy.  We walked in, passed security and met the director.  She was friendly and advised us of basics of our son some of which we had known from the proposal.  We recorded the audio which I recommend.  I was writing things, but at times couldnt keep up.  It will be nice to have this down the road if asked.  You do learn information on the biological parents.
 Then we went to a room where there were some toys, but of course we brought tons of stuff.  We were in the room with our translator and in he came with the director.  He freaked and cried for awhile.  By awhile I mean an hour.  At this time you are frozen and dont know what to do.  He is stressed out and you dont want to be aggressive.  It was hard on us as we felt we were making him mad.  We tried to introduce toys and he played with a shape sorter. He figured things out and he was definately determined to do it on its own.  By the end of the first visit he was still iffy with us.  We were not prepared for this and I dont think you can be.  We were told this is a good sign as kids that attach quickly have an attachment disorder.  They need to get used to you in time and not immediately.

Second visit of the day went the same way.  But, he did allow us to hold him, but was hesistant.  He seemed tired so maybe he was too tired to cry.  We walked around with him for a bit and he seems to like walking.  He walked very well and sometimes held my wifes hand.

Any advise I would give to future adoptive parents of older kids.  Be prepared, they wont cling and work at their speed.  We were told they expect things to get better.  Before leaving we saw him with his buddies and the workers asked him where his mama and papa were and he pointed to us.  That felt great.  Unfortunately another kid in the room started calling me dada.

Leaving for Russia

So after much time and work we leave today. Everything is arranged and booked. It was a bit stressful getting everything arranged (lots of paperwork) so quickly but it's done. Now all I can think about is meeting him.

I wonder if he will seem taller or shorter in person. What his personality will be like? How he will react to us, etc. When we first meet him I imagine he will be shy and look at the toys we bring him not sure what to make of them. The toys should help break the ice. We brought lots of stuff from books to bubbles to crayons to building block, etc. we probably brought too much but we don't want him to get bored. I think two year olds have almost no attention span.

I'm writing this Friday and Monday I get to meet him. Now I feel like I have seen the light. The reason for all this will be
Right in front of me in a matter of hours.

Still a bit of nerves to get through a few things like the medicals in moscow and meeting everyone there mainly the director of the home. This is a huge step forward in the process.

meeting my son in 2 weeks

We accepted our proposal.  We are working on the paperwork which is needed to setup the court date.  These are required before you first visit.  This includes: redoing your medicals, letter regarding purchase of your home, pictures of family, getting our russian visa for travel, report from social worker accepting proposal, etc.

We had two hurdles in this area.  We got married in the states.  We are to get our license notarized, and then beg for the department of international affairs to b-line and accept this.  The process is vague and unclear to me.  We were told different things from our agency, international affairs and an agency in Ottawa you have to deal with as well.  Some things are just unorganized.

Second hurdle was our dog.  Since our dog obviously lives with us and he is mentioned in our homestudy, we need a note from a vet indicating he has no deseases, up to date immunizations and is good with children.  This is the first time I took my dog to a vet in years as he is over 10 now.  Obviously they can't judge behaviour around children, so the vet asked if he has been exposed around children, which he has and they indicated in the letter he is well behaved and has been exposed to children.  It's important the letter addresses the issues they indicate or you will end up doing it again. 

We are waiting to hear on the itinerary and then I will book flights.  You are told when you need to be at which place.  I've spent much time researching flights so I will likely book the flights myself.  I have travelled all over the world and am capable of this.  The agency will refer  you to a travel agent which I have spoken to about flights.  For those less experienced, might be best to have the agent book it. 

We don't know about hotels, where the orphanage is.  There is still a lot we need to learn, but you are told things steps at a time. 

At this time your feelings are all over the place.  We are so excited to met him and we are quickly trying to get everything done correctly.  We got a list of about 15 things needed to do in terms of paperwork.  Then you have to deal with the travel arrangements.

I can't wait to meet him.  He seems perfect in the photos.  He's healthy, good height and weight.  We've ramped up our purchases for him with toys and furtniture at our house.  We even registered. 

Current update:  got proposal, going to meet him in 2 weeks. 

Got our adoption proposal today!!!!

Completely overwhelmed with emotions. At first, was thinking of all the things to do like sending file to doctor, getting visas, when to we go, etc.

We got three photos. 1 close up face shot, 1 full body shot and a shot of him sitting on a toy. Accompanying the photos is a word document with medical information. We know measurements at birth, basic biological parental info, measurements at different intervals of his life including a recent one. It also including results to his hep and HIV tests, what's he like (sleep patterns and appetite). It actually has more than I expected. Its a little information about a lot of different things.

It's a bit surreal. When you first see the photo I thought he looks like a friends kid. The more you look at it the more you notice things like height, facial characteristics and even his mood at that time. The more I see it the more I love him and realize this is my son.

Any day now!!!

Got a call from our adoption agency to redo our medicals as something will happen any day. From what we heard from others you get this call a few days before you get a proposal. Usually proposals seem to be sent on Friday, so being Wednesday that's two days.

I'm speechless. I am sortof crying and feel like I may throw up. All of a sudden all the waiting isn't that annoying. It's happening soon. We will likely go to Russia this month. The struggle to get to this point doesn't matter anymore.

Holly shit I can't believe this. Now I have to pretend everything is normal and go to work. I will have trouble focusing.

Current update: proposal coming

Extra training for Canadians adopting from Russia

Last year when we had already completed pride training and shortly after receiving our approvals from both the Canadian and Russian governments we were advised of additional 80 hours of required training.  This was a new requirement handed down by the Russian Government.  We didn't know anything such as costs, location, when or structure of training (ie classroom).

Initially we were concerned about the amount of hours. 80 hours!!  When were we going to have time to do 2 weeks of training.  Since you need approximately 4 - 6 weeks for traveling to and from Russia 3 times we wouldn't have any vacation time left.

About a month before the training started (October 2012) we were asked what weekend we are available.  We thought, only 1 weekend of training?  That's not so bad, but how does that equal 80 hours?  Luckily, the hours we completed in Pride training would account towards this 80 hours.  So that took up almost half right there.

We were asked to do homework before the class and we spent two full days (saturday and sunday) with others in our situation learning about Russian adoption.  Since we were the guinea pigs, it wasn't the most organized.  There was some positive things we did learn.  We had doctors who practiced in Russia explain the care Russians would receive and our child.  We had a day care worker talk to us about some activities we should try when we meet our child.  The were other things, but I don't remember.  That's how good it was, that I only remember very little.

The best part, by far, was meeting other people adopting from Russia.  There were two couples and a single mom who already went on their first visit to Russia.  Their information was invaluable.  Talking about what the proposal would look like, the orphanage, meeting your child, travel arrangements, food in Russia, etc. etc.  Not only was it nice hearing all this information, it was nice to see people who have met their child already.  It made it feel real and made us excited for our future.

Although the adoption process comes with a lot of challenges and obstacles, if it makes me appreciate and become a better parent it will be all worth it.  The harder you work at something the more you appreciate. 
So don't fear the extra training, it was all good.

Current update: waiting

articles on russian adoption ban

Latest news:

They may allow the Americans to continue with their adoption for those in process, promoting russians to adopting domestically.  Department of Education against the ban.  All children in orphanages are under this group hence the ban.  They understand the importance of giving the children an opportunity as they can't support 750,000 orphanges.  Looks like there should be continued talks regarding the ban this week. 

http://rt.com/politics/russia-parliamentary-request-adoptions-045/


russian schoolgirl view based on inadequate medical system.

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1314798--blind-girl-s-blog-ripping-russia-s-adoption-ban-attracts-scrutiny-of-authorities

russians protest the ban with an overwhelming number of protestors. 

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-01-13/russian-protest-march-against-u-s-adoption-ban-starts-in-moscow.html

Russian bans us adoptions, my thoughts

A big story in the adoption world surfaced before the holidays.  Russia, specifically Putin, signed a law to ban all adoptions from US parents.  It was effective almost immediately.   Affecting many potential families.  News sources reported approximately 64 families already met and bonded with their child.  Now,  it's all over.

I won't get into why the ban happened as that can be googled.  I want to focus on the feelings as prospective parents waiting for our child in Russia.  We haven't bonded or even seen a picture of our future child, so I can't imagine what that families are going through who have.  Going through all this to see a picture, meet and bond with your child to be taken away from you because of politics.  It's a nightmare.  They are dealing with a loss of their child and will potentially never seeing them again.  Never knowing what they will be like and having to always wonder.

We initialed freaked out.  We thought we would be lumped in with the Americans.  Something Canada is a lot of the time.  We were worried we would lose everything and have to start over.  Thinking the whole last year is a void with nothing but a horrible memory.  After the initial shock and reaching out to our adoption agency, we slowly felt a little better with time.  It seems passing a bill like this in Canada would take several months, likely well after we are done.  So, we plug away.  Still waiting for a proposal of our child.  That fear is still there that we may lose everything.  Luckily, we don't know anything about our child, not seen even a picture which makes it easier to start over if we had to.  Easy relatively speaking of course.  Better to end now before the bond is made.

People  don't understand how little control you have over this.  Russia can ban Canadian adoptions, they don't owe us anything.  No one does.  Basically, we are asking to take one of their children-we have to play along.  This action by Russia showed we are simply sheep in this process.  We follow what they tell us to do to get what we want.  Because of this the fear of them pulling the plug will be there until I am home with my child.  Like all parents, you always fear for your child's well being.  Well, just because I haven't met my child doesn't mean I don't care.  I've thought about all the things I will do to safely raise them and teach them as they get older.  I feel the same way as parents now do even though I am not one yet.  That started as soon as you start the process.  The thoughts of what they will be like, what things we'll do together, trips we will take, etc.  has been going on in my head for months, even years. 

There was a protest against Putin signing this ban against US adopting Russian children.  Many people showed their disagreement with this ban.  I am grateful for these people.  Thanks you for everyone who has fought against this.  We want to do best by our child, just give us a chance to be a parent. 

Current Update:  still waiting